laura hough smith

We counted the hours until we’d see you on this side of the veil. T-minus 36 hours.

Your mama is crying thinking about how much your pets’ lives are going to change; it’s just been her, your daddy, Kitty White Paw, Slee and Bentley for 6 years. Bentley just ran by, and your mom hugged and pet her. “You’re going to help me with the baby? You’ll be a good mama? You’re not going to bark? Not too loud, are you?”

*** 

Elliott, we’ve prayed, obsessed and organized into a frenzy over this day. Your cousin Leah has decorated, your great-aunts have cleaned. Your friends and family have showered your mom and dad with love and gifts; friends have already brought casseroles. 

Your mom and I achingly counted out the sleeps until I’d get here, my first trip to Missouri sans kids since 2010. We so hoped you’d wait to arrive until your mom and I could hold hands as your mama entered motherhood. 

Your mama has a sweet, gentle, empathic center, and I know you’ll do a great job taking care to protect that core. Your mom has that one most important guiding light and no doubt she’ll raise you as the best kind of believer, too.

The rest of the family is ready to love you, but we’re also kind of a lot. I’ve listed some useful information to get you acquainted.

Your uncle Wesley will teach you all about the blues and any other genre of music you like. Also note Ole Miss football and World War II. When he mentions Ambrosia walk away. He’ll likely get you tickets to some cool parties and gigs; he’s been saving for years for your first drum kit, dropping a few dollars into a pot every time your mom bought slime for your cousin Mary Fin. Lucky you. He says he prefers to be known to you as Uncle Churchill.

Your youngest cousin has been waiting on a younger sibling for a while. Mary Fin really wanted a girl, but she’s just thankful for a baby. She’s been preparing for this role her whole life: already at 8, she’s an expert at bottles, pacifiers and swaddles. What are your thoughts on bows, the color pink?

Your cousin Lollie is about to be your biggest fan. Even though she’s grudgingly learned to share her “Bali” first with Mary Fin and then with Jake, she still considers your mama hers and hers alone. Maybe save your first smile, coo or wave especially for her. You’ll win her over in no time and then have the most fun big sister you ever knew. You’ll be playing elaborate games her magical mind dreams up; buckle up for a fun ride because when she’s with littles she brings her A game.

Your Gummy has been waiting on you a long while, having to put up first with two girls of his own and then my two, too! Bless him! There is a new gleam in his eye; he so needs someone to ride to the farm with him, an extra truck driver, another set of hands to fix the tractor. He’ll teach you how to parallel park and will make sure you have recently had an oil change. His hobby is gassing up your truck before you leave for Mississippi, so please let him. Oh, and Elliott? One more thing about Gummy: Cardinals are life. You’re in for a lot of inside baseball, and soon Busch Stadium will be as familiar to you as your own room. It might help if you started studying the roster right now. You’re quite behind in the series. 

Gummy also comes as a package deal with a genuinely sweet woman named Lee Lee who’ll serve you chocolate cookies or pound cake any time you please. You’ll want to tell her all the scoop about your girlfriends that you don’t tell your parents. Trust me on that one. 

You have a slew of great-aunts on your moms side who will sabotage one another to get to be your babysitter. They will say you look like your late great-uncle Bloyce or maybe your cousin Cole. Expect lots of cuddling, sweet teasing, and the best laughs you’ve ever had from your mom’s cousins and their children. These belong to us as a generous gift from your friend from heaven, Robin. A note about her: When you look to the sky on the clearest night, she’s the star shining brightest. 

***

It’s T-minus 30 hours now and I can’t sleep. 

Of course there’s your daddy, too, who at this early hour is about to head off on one last hunt before you arrive. Like gummy with baseball, hunting is life. You’re going to grow up to be a sportsman just like him and we can’t wait to see you two together in your camo. Also, he likes sweets. A secret about your daddy: even though he acts tough, he’s a softie. He worked around the house all night spiffing things up for you and your visitors but complained it was too hot for the fire I wanted in the fire place. We agreed it was too warm, and disappointed but also totally OK with it, I went to brush my teeth. The fire was roaring when I returned. See, total softie. Also, he’s a Bulldog fan but we love him more than we love Matt Coral or even Lane Kiffen.

*** 

About 22 hours to go. 

Your mom and I are settled on the couch with Slee between us. We’re going through the procedures and plans for tomorrow. We think we have our ducks in a row, but who knows?

We’re talking about you of course. 

She said “We’re so lucky, so blessed. It’s been nice; everyone has been so nice. It’s just how I wanted. I wanted Jake and I to have a long time together before having a baby,” and then she cried as we do.

***
About 17 hours left. 

Your mom’s last walk without a stroller. Leah, your mom, and I took an evening walk and talked all about you. We’re home now, and Leah’s telling your mom to soak up every new moment with you, not to worry as she always is about others’ needs. You’ll get to know Leah very well in the coming months. She’s your sheriff. Really, she’s mine on loan to your mom for this pregnancy, but you’ll soon come to know we can’t do earth without her humor, humility and candidness. She’s the real real. 

***

Less than 12 hours 

Your aunt on your dad’s side called tonight to check on your mom. She’s a gem and she and your mom are blessed with a rich friendship. She’s a nurse too, so she allayed our fears with answers to tons of your mom’s questions. She takes good care of your mom and no doubt she will you, too.  

Your mom went to bed 10 minutes ago and she just came back down here with questions about infants’ active sleeping, a concept I’m unfamiliar with. It’s been eight years since I rocked a baby to sleep. 

We’re living in this weird state where time is suspended. I’m not sure what day it is, my responsibilities and the normal stresses of life are far off in the recesses of my mind. It feels a little like Santa Claus is on his way. 

*** 

Less than 30 minutes. 

That went fast. We got here about 8:30 this morning, and man, your No. 1 girl is in good hands. So are you. 

Your mom and dad just left to meet you. I’m all nerves; thankfully this hospital is sandwiched between two churches and I see the steeple of my home church from the window. It brings immeasurable comfort. 

So, for the introductions that leaves me. Darling, I’ve loved you since when? Since the minute she called me? Since before that? Since you were the size of a bean? A grape? Hard to say. 

As I turned down 61 at Matthews on Saturday, I thought how lucky you are to be raised here, atop the mix of cotton fields in Sikeston and the gumbo soil on your own farm where one day you’ll find the purest sense of peace to behold on earth. You’ll wear red and black and play soccer or football for the Sikeston Bulldogs, or maybe you’ll be a Bleacher Bum like your dad and grandfather. You’ll hunt and fish with the best guys around and it’ll seem everyone here knows your name. It’s a good hometown. 

You have parents who will cherish you, fight for you, befriend you just to the point of spoil. I hope you love them fiercely, recognize how precious their love is, and come to know how deeply that’s reciprocated. I hope you obey all their rules and have the most fun breaking the ones that are necessary to break. Call me when you do; this essay is your one get-out-of jail-free card. 

A few more wishes I’ve stored in my heart are for you to have a sibling as gold as mine and friends as loyal and hilarious as mine. Life with it’s high highs and low lows can batter you around but these two keys will see you through. Well, those and the single most important item in our life-on-earth toolkit: a rich spiritual connection. 

My sweet Elliott boy, so fresh from heaven: one day you’ll find the still, small voice inside your soul. It’s your link to a power higher than you, so as you get big listen closely to it. You’ll hear it in the quietude of your farm, sitting in the deer woods or duck blind with your daddy, gazing at a Harvest Moon with gummy, making art with your mom, watching the sun climb over the horizon or sink into soil. Sometimes it’s hard to hear over the din, but it’s always there waiting for you to whisper hello.

I hope you choose Ole Miss over State, treat the Cardinals like members of the family, recharge your soul with your Matthews’ Burches and, finally, know that wherever you go and however you get there, we love you forever. 

***

10:39 am. Nov. 22, 2021

Welcome home, Darling Elliott, welcome home.